Signs you may be Canadian, Part 1
Signs You May be Canadian
(an unending list)
Part 1
You stand in "line-ups" at the movie, not lines.
You're not offended by the term, "Homo Milk"
You understand the phrase, "Could you please pass me a serviette, I just spilled my poutine"
You eat chocolate bars instead of candy bars.
You drink pop, not soda.
You know what it means to be "on pogey."
You know that a mickey and 2-4's mean "Party at the camp, eh!!"
You can drink legally while still a teen.
You talk about the weather with strangers and friends alike.
You don't care about the fuss with Cuba, it's a cheap place to travel with good cigars and no Americans.
You get milk in bags as well as cartons and plastic jugs.
Pike is a type of fish, not some part of a highway.
You drive on a highway, not a freeway.
You know what a Robertson screwdriver is.
You have Canadian Tire money in your kitchen drawers.
Canadian Tire on any Saturday is busier than the toy stores at Christmas.
You know that Thrills are something to chew and "taste like soap".
You know that Mounties "don't always look like that".
You know that the Friendly Giant isn't a vegetable product line.
You are excited whenever American television mentions Canada. You make a mental note to talk about it at work the next day.
You can do all the hand actions to Sharon, Lois and Bram's "Skin-a-ma-rinky-dinky-doo" opus.
You were mad when "The Beachcombers" were taken off the air.
You know what a toque is.
You admit Rich Little is Canadian and you're glad Jerry Lewis is not.
You know Toronto is not a province.
You never miss "Coach's Corner".
You know all the words to "If I Had a Million Dollars" including the inter-stanza banter between Steven and Ed. (BareNaked Ladies)
You know who Ernie Coombs is. (Mr. Dress-Up)
You have memorized the Heritage Foundation's Heritage Moments, including your favourites, "I smell burnt toast, Doctor", "You all know I canna read a word..." (was that REALLY Sarah McLachlan in that one?), and "Kanata". (As seen on CBC)
You spend sleepless nights wondering if Peter Mansbridge and Wendy Mesley will ever find again the
blissful love they once knew.
And if not, is she free next Friday?
You wonder why there isn't a 5-dollar coin yet, because you can really use more change (You are
already wearng your pants halfway down your ass and the hair and three layers of skin is worn off the
front of your thighs from carrying your pocket money around). The new coin should have a picture of a
musk-ox on it and be the size of a hamburger patty and have fifteen different kinds of metals in it, including poutine.
You know Ashley MacIssac isn't Celtic enough.
Your backpack has only one Canadian flag sewn-on.
You have been on Speaker's Corner. Bonus points if The Devil's Advocates made fun of you.
You use a red pen on your non-Canadian textbooks and fill in the missing 'u's from labor, honor, and color.
You remember "Jodie" from "Today's Special" and wonder why you keep seeing her reading news on CBC.
You know that a "Premier" isn't a baby born a few weeks early.
You design your Hallowe'en costume to fit over a snowsuit.
You live in a house that has no front step, yet the door is one metre above the ground.
The local paper covers national news on 2 pages, but requires 6 pages for hockey.
You know 4 seasons: Winter, Still Winter, almost Winter and Construction.
You understand the Labatt Blue commercials.
You perk up when you hear the theme from "Hockey Night in Canada"
You dismiss all beers under 6% as "for children and the elderly".
You think God probably looks more like Gordon Pinsent than Charlton Heston.
You experience a warm fuzzy feeling while picturing a fat man with a blonde Mr. Spock haircut giving a recorder recital to an audience of two: an orange and purple sleepy-eyed giraffe with a voice like Lee Marvin and a pin-headed hyper rooster who is made out of a flannel tea cozy and lives in a bag on the wall. (Friendly Giant)
You can easily get several people near you to wax nostalgic on this same image.
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